bittersweet taste

My 100th post. Oh, the irony.

I started this blog to reach out to others suffering from infertility and to share experiences...failures and triumphs. And today, I write to tell you that after almost nearly 3 years (33 months)...I've started back on the pill (more on that later).

I'd be a liar if I told you anything other than that there is, indeed, a sadness there....in that still- empty spot reserved for my own children; my own family. But there is also understanding and oddly enough, there is hope...and my hope shines thru my bitterness. At least for now. And that's all I can really ask for...just a bit of hope to gloss over the despair. I know the despair will continue to linger. And that's ok. I think. As long as I can hold onto the hope, I can live with the moroseness of infertility. So, I cling to it...the hope. Because that's all I have left. And that is not something I'm willing to give up. Not now. Not ever. I just can't.

And I won't. I'll try not to. For me. For the Captain. For us.

I wonder how I'm going to feel in 5 days? Will it be the same as last year? Or has so much changed that now everything is different? Ha. I just went back and reread that post...and I'm raising an eyebrow....in amusement.

Maybe somethings always stay the same.