all of the sudden, out of no where it hit me like a ton of bricks today.  i haven't thought about infertility too deeply in several months.  

but i was sitting here watching a TOILET PAPER commercial of all things, and a little boy running thru the hall. and BAM. there it is....flood gates opened.  tbh, i'm seriously annoyed more than anything else.  i know that until we either do get pregnant and have a baby or until we decide what our familial future holds, i'll never be 'over' infertility...or at least have 'moved on'.  but shit. i was not expecting to just have a fucking breakdown unexpectedly.  and only one word comes to mind right now.  

FAILURE.

Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death.

R.D. Laing

well, i started going to the gym. even got myself a trainer. i had my first official workout session with him yesterday. i woke up today feeling hungover. every fucking muscle hurts. ALL OF THEM. what the hell am i thinking? sigh.

i have another session tomorrow and i am already wondering WTF he could have in store b/c i dunno that my jello legs will be able to fully support me. i mean, i have issues with clumbsiness to being with...but this has got me all outta balance. 

i have to go buy some of these tomorrow. and all i'mma say about them is that they cause me a great deal of pain.  but the trainer says they're necessary. and since he's in the know, i shall follow his orders. 

have some new music recs for you lovelies.  am thoroughly enjoying these artists....and a shout out to Lucy for passing them along!  i've added a song from each to my playlist below. also, be warned...i have put a few of my fav MJ songs on this week's playlist as well. 

Xavier Rudd

Joe Purdy

AA Bondy

the house is coming along. we're supposed to close on july 30. things have been going pretty smoothly w/ everything. i've been expecting the ball to drop at some point, but so far - we've been good to go. 

hope you're all doing well and enjoy this holiday weekend.  Happy 4th of July & God Bless America! 

cheerio!

 

thoughts on waiting

i beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved
in your heart and try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms or books written
in a very foreign language. don’t search for
the answers, which could not be given to you
now, because you would not be able
to live them. And the point is, to live
everything. live the questions now.
perhaps then, some day far in the
future, you will gradually,
without even noticing it, live
your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903; in Letters to a Young Poet

*provided by miss kc...i love and miss you. now go update your damn blog and let the world know who you are! ;)*

Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind.

Leo Rosten

for you

Regardless of how high we fly, all of us must sooner or later handle the tough times that life inevitably tosses our way. But that's not all bad. Contrary to popular belief, character is not built when tough times occur; it is revealed.

So even at those times when your most precious of dreams have been blown apart or smashed to smithereens, you can immediately pick up your spirits by picking up the pieces right then and there. Not whenever you feel like it or get around to it, but right that very moment. By picking up the pieces and moving forward, learning from your past experiences and mistakes, you can quickly build on these life lessons and forge the life you have longed to live.

Best of all, you will put the all the pieces together and ultimately uncover your unique place in the sun.

Anne Frank

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross