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NIAW - Cont'd....kinda

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

so, i said i'd try to do a "post a day" this week about the good, bad and ugly of infertility. but i think that was a bad idea. for the most part, my horse is already dead and i really don't feel like beating it anymore. i mean, do you really want to hear about how....

i never thought seeing pregnant women would bother me? it does.

or how passing by an elementary school while the kids are running around @ recess can send me bursting into tears? it does.

oh, i know! did i ever stop to think that i'd be in my 30's before i had my first child (late 20's maybe...)? no, but it's looking that way.

was i able to accomplish all my life's goals that seemed so effing important before having a baby? no.

and does that really matter now? no.

or the thoughts that i ponder regularly:

  • was it really necessary that i freaked out when i forgot my pills on a road trip 5 yrs ago?
  • moreover, why was i so insistent that i stay on the damn pill after we were married?
  • is this thing they call infertility my punishment for "not wanting them yet" the first 3.5 yrs of our marriage?

these are only some of the musings in my little brain...i do have to save something to post about later. but i do have one last question for you -

do you wonder if i've lost hope?

no, not yet.


*jess* said...

you are INSPIRATIONAL, really. don't ever lose hope!