back to the RE

finally got a call back from my dr C's office about my lab results. apparently my glucose came back too high (110), so i'm being sent back to the RE. damn.

i called and made an appt w/ an RE who came highly recommended (w/ results...haha). so, i'm booked for 11/21 @ 10am. they want me to fill out a form so they can check my insurance coverage...bwahahahahahahahaha! ok, not so funny.

fun times, friends. fun times.

yesterday was cd1! that means i had a 28 day cycle...but more importantly, that means i have now had 4 cycles in a row that came "on their own". nan-nan-a-boo-boo!

last week i got a call from my dr. c's office; here's the convo:

nurse: hi dana, this is nurse blah-blah from dr c's office.
me: hello? (and why are you calling?)
nurse: we rec'd your refill request for the metformin and it's time for you to come back in and have your 3 month lab test done.
me: my what?
nurse: your 3 month blood test to check your kidney & liver function.
me: are you sure you're calling the right patient? there's nothing wrong w/ my kidney's or my liver.
nurse: well, you are on metformin, correct?
me: correct.
nurse: your last lab was july, you're overdue.
me: overdue for what?
nurse: (((SIGH))) your kidney & liver check....required when you take metformin.
me: uh.......

the conversation continued for a few minutes as we went back & forth. mainly me denying that i needed that test. b/c see, the thing is, i haven't EVER had one of those tests. my last test in july was my annual CBC - my dr does it every year, for every patient, @ their annual visit. so, you can see why i was perplexed.

uberlong story short, when you are on met, you are supposed to have this kidney/liver test done every 3 months (according to the nurse, who i'm assuming got that info from my dr - so i have no reason to doubt her. ehm.) .

and it's not that i do doubt her. it's that for a year, i've been taking met...the max dosage....2000mg a day. so, it's kinda worrisome to hear that i should've been checking my organs to make sure they're not dysfunctional (at least some of my organs, anyway). so, of course, the next two days i sat and thought about all the things wrong w/ me over the past year and wondered if they could be attributed to my kidney's or liver. but nothing stood out. good.

on friday i went to the lab. i was running late and starving - so i called the lab to find out if i needed to fast for this test. i was told no (and yes, the thought did cross my mind that maybe the lab tech didn't really know if this was a fasting test but you know me, trustworthy & all).....

and then i get a call yesterday - and look at the caller id "Austin Area OBGYN"...and i think shit, shit, shit....this cannot be good. nurse blah blah calls back to tell me that my sugars were higher than in july (110 v 105) and needs me to come in again. asks if i was fasting, just to "confirm". um, nope. did.not.fast.was.told.not.to.fast.

and so i'm here...waiting for a call back to see if i need to go retest. it's really not a big deal, just more of an annoyance. and there goes dr c's 10 year perfect record of outstanding-never-miss-anything-always-on-the-ball service. damn.

NIAW Cont'd....The GOOD!

so, today i'll post about the "good" of infertility. i know you must be asking yourself what good can come from being infertile but there are a few things. and this one has been life changing:

as i've previously stated, being infertile changes a person but it also changes those around you. you slowly notice that people stop calling, especially if they are starting their own families. and really, i completely understand. for most of us, our lives nearly come to a screeching halt when we are diagnosed with infertility. time is spent going to the dr, taking meds, timing sex etc...and in turn we, too, lose touch with the "outside world." and after a while, even i get tired of hearing myself talk about not getting a BFP, the side effects of the drugs i'm on, my raging hormones, the depression that slowly sinks in month after month - so i don't expect my friends to want to hear about it either.

so, i turned to and truly embraced the capabilities of the world wide web.

and then i found them. women in waiting. my sisters in this fight.

i will NEVER be able to fully express to you my gratitude to these women. women who don't even know me! but day after day, they offer their unending support of encouragement, inspiration, thoughts, advice....oh, how the list goes on.

if you take a peek a the long list of blogs i follow (to your right), you will see a few. but there a few who deserve to be called out - some of which i have used code names (they know who they are) to protect their innocence (hehe):

beth
jen
lori
sarah
&
singing bird*

i have known some of you longer than others but i need y'all to know that without you, i can honestly say i do not know where i would be today, two-&-a half years into this journey. each of you, in your own way, feed my soul with your friendship and kindness. i am eternally grateful for having met you.

and tonight, i thank you.

*not infertile but totally belongs in this post of giving thanks.

NIAW - Cont'd....kinda

so, i said i'd try to do a "post a day" this week about the good, bad and ugly of infertility. but i think that was a bad idea. for the most part, my horse is already dead and i really don't feel like beating it anymore. i mean, do you really want to hear about how....

i never thought seeing pregnant women would bother me? it does.

or how passing by an elementary school while the kids are running around @ recess can send me bursting into tears? it does.

oh, i know! did i ever stop to think that i'd be in my 30's before i had my first child (late 20's maybe...)? no, but it's looking that way.

was i able to accomplish all my life's goals that seemed so effing important before having a baby? no.

and does that really matter now? no.

or the thoughts that i ponder regularly:

• was it really necessary that i freaked out when i forgot my pills on a road trip 5 yrs ago?
• moreover, why was i so insistent that i stay on the damn pill after we were married?
• is this thing they call infertility my punishment for "not wanting them yet" the first 3.5 yrs of our marriage?

these are only some of the musings in my little brain...i do have to save something to post about later. but i do have one last question for you -

do you wonder if i've lost hope?

no, not yet.

National Infertility Awareness Week

October 19-25 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). There are currently two bills in Congress that address IF: H. Res. 322 and H.R. 2892 in Congress (ehm, have been since 2007) to bring more awareness to IF and provide more coverage; unfortunately, they haven't gone far. If you feel inclined to do so, please e-mail your rep and ask that they vote to pass these bills and others like them. In your heart, you'll hear 7.3 million people thanking you, I promise.

I'm going to try to do a post every day (oops....missed yesterday!) about how Infertility has affected us (good and bad). So, here's today's post:

Wow. October marks month 31 of us TTC #1. I honestly never thought we'd reach this mark. I mean, I always kinda figured we'd "struggle" - but I figured we'd be part of the 80% that gets pregnant after 12mo of trying. Riiiight? Wrong. One thing IF has taught us is to never assume anything. And you know, that's actually a "good" thing. After 2+ years of trying to get pregnant, you kinda just go-with-the-flow, in all areas of life. I think I've become more relaxed (if you can believe it) and I try to stay away from and out of all the bullshit. I try not to get wrapped up in drama. And although it's been hard and I still have difficulty - I make it a point not to say "what if I'm pregnant" or "what if we have a baby by then"....I fail miserably at times but this has been my new goal when looking forward to the future.

more tomorrow....

WAVE OF LIGHT

I have not lost a pregnancy, nor have I lost an infant. But I have (too) many friends who have. Tonight, my candle is for you and your babies.

Peace.

semper fi

my stepbrother, g, leaves for the Ma.rines this morning. he was originally scheduled to leave last month but they had too many recruits, so his leave date got pushed back. he'll be going to camp pendleton for basic training & then off to tech school. (we're still waiting to hear if the fires, which have destroyed 500+ acres @ camp p., will have affect his departure - last minute.)

i'm proud of g for making this commitment. he is a wild one and really, really needs guidance and stability in his life. there is no doubt in my mind that the ma.rine corp is the best place for him. if he can stick it out, i know he will accomplish great feats - both external and internal.

i'm sure some of you reading this will have thoughts of your own regarding him joining the mil.itary right now. i respectfully request that you please keep the negative comments to yourself. our family has deep mil.itary roots, so our perspective is probably a bit different than some/most.

good luck and God bless, g.

SEMPER FIDELIS!

hello monday!

good mornin' friends! let's not waste on pleasantries when there's important business to get to -

in case you haven't seen it, here's the new college football rankings:


AP Top 25
1. Texas (39) 6-0 1,599
2. Alabama (26) 6-0 1,582
3. Penn State 7-0 1,492
4. Oklahoma 5-1 1,306
5. Florida 5-1 1,284
6. USC 4-1 1,247
7. Texas Tech 6-0 1,210
8. Oklahoma State 6-0 1,184
9. Brigham Young 6-0 1,131
10. Georgia 5-1 1,081

Texas' busted out a can of whoop-ass on OU this weekend and we are now #1! Hook'Em HoRns!!

***

we had our big appointment in Houston on thursday. all went surprisingly well. hopefully all of this will be over w/i the next few months. keeping fingers crossed and prayers going to the BigMan himself.

***

not much happening cycle wise. no big surprises. no big let downs. and tbh, i am perfectly ok with this. oh - in somewhat related news, i've lost 22lbs.

***

my mom bought me a copy of Eat, Pray, Love this weekend. i've been wanting to read it ever since my friend jen (blog is private, or i'd link you) recommended it and i saw ms. gilbert on Oprah (and just ftr, i don't "do" Oprah like i once did...she's gotten a l'il too big for me). i started reading it last night and can already tell i'm going to really enjoy it.

***

i am officially bummed that it doesn't look like we'll be able to do any gardening this fall. we are in a drought and every thing i've read says not to plant anything until you've had a good rain. well, no rains for us. and time is fast approaching when it will be too late in the season to plant anything meaningful. we'll see.

*

oh...i'm still annoyed w/ this punctuation issue w/ blogger. the spacing (or lack thereof) is really pissing me off!

*

and that's it for me this morning. hope y'all have a marvelous monday!

*

peace out!

Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Take Action

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce it's incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

Action Steps

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

i am SO lame

this is how lame i am....i have nothing to blog about. lol. weekend sports recap: my cubbies got their ass' handed to them by the dodgers....texas gave colorado a beat down, hook'em!....the 'boys barely pulled off a W against the bengals (i know, i know "the bengals?" you ask but seriously, it was that close)....and kasey managed not to finish @ talladega.

my friend kyle was kind enough to let me borrow his Summer 2008 cd today. here's what i'm jamming to while workin' my magic in excel (hehe):

1. The Way I Am / Ingrid Michaelson
2. Burnin' Up / Jonas Brothers
3. Crush / David Archuletta
4. So What / P!nk
5. The Time of My Life / David Cook
6. Leavin' / Jesse McCartney
7. Hot N Cold / Katy Perry
8. Say / John Mayer
9. Hey There Delilah / Plain White T's
10. Closer / Ne-Yo
11. Better In Time / Leona Lewis
12. Viva la Vida / Coldplay
13. I'm Yours / Jason Mraz
14. What You Got / Colby O'Donis
15. Angel / Natasha Bedingfield
16. Love Remains the Same / Gavin Rossdale
17. Bleeding Love / Leona Lewis
18. Don't Stop the Music / Rihanna
19. Forever / Chris Brown
20. Shadow of the Day / Linkin Park

and that reminds me....off to change my blog tunes!