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everybody wants to know

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

several of our friends are either expecting or have just recently had a baby. i am overjoyed for them, I truly am. but i cannot deny that at the same time i am wishing "congratulations" or adoring their babies, a little part of me is angry.

you'd think i'd be used to it by now. you'd think i'd have come to terms with infertility. you'd think i'd have "moved on". and you'd be wrong.

we were honoring memorial day with friends and we were repeatedly asked "now, when are the two of you going to have some babies?" and while i felt the urge to respond with "oh, i don't know - maybe as soon as my reproductive system decides to get off it's ass and cooperate, we'll be able to put in our order", i simply said "we're trying!" (with my head cocked off to the side and a smirk on my face). apparently, that answer didn't seem to make the rounds. i walked out onto the back patio and was bombarded with "dana, [the captain] said y'all are going through a bunch of tests to find out why you can't get pregnant." WHAT? THE CAPTAIN SAID WHAT? the captain had broken our agreement and decided to just let every tom, dick and harry know that we were failures when it came to reproducing.

realizing i was not going to be able to get out of this one and to be honest, accepting that i was tired of the "song and dance" that comes along with trying to hide something from someone, i took the plunge. i just let it all out...i told them about our panel of tests, the fertility treatments (& the weight gain and mood swings), the poking and prodding, and of course reassured everyone that the problem was me....the captain's little soldiers are standing at attention and are plentiful in numbers, no draft necessary.

and the response was,well...expected. "you should adopt and then maybe you'll get pregnant." really? is that how it works? that's all i have to do? seriously?!?! i politely explained that we're just not there, yet. we're not ready to throw in the towel. it's not that the captain and i are against adoption, we'd like to adopt someday. but that someday is not today.

we'll get our baby. eventually. one way or another. and for right now, it feels kind of good not to be in hiding anymore.

and maybe people will stop asking and just wait for an announcement in the mail.

a rambling

Thursday, May 22, 2008

*warning: some politicking to follow and in no real order!*

With the presidential election nearing and since the candidates have been in our face for over a year now, I've been having many discussions about some of the differences between Republicans and Democrats. I've been somewhat shocked at how democrats see republicans but I've also been equally as shocked at just how alike we are. One topic that has come up of late is Social Justice and what it means to a conservative versus a democrat. Through my, it's been made clear that many liberals feel that conservatives don't stand for much when it comes to Social Justice.

First, let's define Social Justice. According to wiki, Social Justice is "generally thought of as a world which affords individuals and groups fair treatment and an impartial share of the benefits of society." (link). Although this definition is a tad ambiguous and leaves room for broad interpretation, I can honestly say that I've only met a handful of Republicans/Conservatives who do not agree with the above statement (and these few are in their 70's & 80', I'm thinking age has something to do with their position). There are a few components of our lives that help us to individually define Social Justice. For me, and I would assume most people, those include: my religion/faith, my political agenda (to include regulations/laws), and my environment.

When I think of modern social justice a few issues come to mind: poverty, genocide, gays & lesbians, and education (I know there are plenty more). I want to end poverty. I want to stop genocide. I support the equal rights of gays/lesbians. I want better education for my children and yours, too. I'm not sure what "social justice" cause I wouldn't stand behind. Which brings me to my question - how exactly are we so different?

It really is quite simple. Traditionally, Republicans have long stood for small government and have taken the laissez-faire approach to personal rights and/or liberties (though one can argue, and quite successfully, that this has changed since the days of Reagan). For decades, Democrats have believed in and implemented big government. This, my friends, is where the difference is. It's not that we conservatives don't stand for Social Justice - it's that we don't want the government telling us what it is we need to stand for. Conversely, Democrats seem to have no problem with the government creating programs in the name of social justice. When you force me to give to such causes via my tax dollars, that is socialism. When I give of my own free will, that is called charity.

Social justice and charity are intertwined. I was googling for some research on whether or not conservatives are just as charitable as Democrats claim to be. Interestingly, I found the following:

"When it comes to helping the needy, Brooks writes: For too long, liberals have been claiming they are the most virtuous members of American society. Although they usually give less to charity, they have nevertheless lambasted conservatives for their callousness in the face of social injustice." AND "...secular liberals who believe fervently in government entitlement programs give far less to charity. They want everyone's tax dollars to support charitable causes and are reluctant to write checks to those causes, even when governments don't provide them with enough money." (link)

and this: "While conservatives tend to regard giving as a personal rather than governmental responsibility, some liberals consider private charity a retrograde phenomenon -- a poor palliative for an inadequate welfare state and a distraction from achieving adequacy by force, by increasing taxes." (link)

I'd like to expand on the last quote. We have created a society that is dependant on the government for assistance. We have created generation after generation of welfare recipients. We have erased the desire for personal success and achievement and replaced it with food stamps, government housing, and financial assistance. Why would anyone have ambition when the government can take care of all your needs? Now, don't get me wrong - I take no issue with these programs in theory. However, all welfare programs, in my opinion, need to be revamped. Although arguable, I don't think Roosevelt intended on the US becoming such a Welfare State. These programs should be short-term programs and they should be used to help the struggling get back on their feet. Additionally, there are private programs that help the burdened and that is where they should be going.

I do volunteer work and I'm a member of Save Darfur. I, too, fight for social justice - no need to tell me to do these things. People do and will give on their own - just look at the donations/time/supplies generated PRIVATELY for the victims of the Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. Last year, American Idol raised $75MM for their "Idol Gives Back" campaign. And in 2007, Jerry Lewis raised $60MM during his annual telethon. All politics aside, people do give and they give often.

I'm a firm believer that we all want the world to be a better place and we'd all like to eradicate social injustices.

feel good food

Thursday, May 15, 2008

i was on the phone w/ "Kevin" (English is not his native language) and i was trying to explain to him our current hardship (the one i cannot blog about)...he was having trouble understanding me...and i was quickly becoming frustrated. i lost my cool and started crying (WTH?) and handed the phone to the Captain to finish the conversation. i went to lie down on the couch.

the Captain came thru the living room and let me know he was going to make us some "feel good food" the end of the nite, we'd gone thru one small cookie sheet of Chocolate Pecan Cookies. and i don't even like sweets!

i am in a better mood and it is amazing what feel-good-food can do for the mind......& body.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Preparedness refers to the state of being prepared for specific or unpredictable events or situations.

in light of the recent natural disasters all around the world, i'd like to make a suggestion:

Jim Bob Duggar (and sperm) should be protected in a bunker; we may need him to repopulate the planet.

patience is a virtue

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

i met w/ dr.C yesterday to discuss my friend and the problems we're having - she doesn't seem to mind that we're incompatible. had a trans-vaginal ultrasound (if you don't know what that is, keep it that way) - nothing abnormal! ha! cervix is lookin' good, uterus is lookin' fabulous, & the ovaries are stellar! all these rave reviews of my innards had me confused....dr.C said i had "abnormal uterine bleeding" caused by HORMONES! Hmph....really? @@

if y'all haven't figured it out yet, my life seems to be overflowing with ironies. today's irony: dr.C prescribed me Clomid (100mg) to be taken w/ the Met for 6 cycles. this should get my cycles back on track b/c you know, the goal here is to get pregnant (& yes, i need a reminder every now and again, too!) he also wanted to inform me that "just in case we have sex during my fertile phase, there is an 8% chance of twins." ORLY?

y'all should know that i lurve dr.C and his staff; they are AWESOME! and a special shout out to nurse L....she always promptly returns my calls :)

and the drip goes on...

Saturday, May 3, 2008

**warning - much of this post will be TMI...serious, TMI!***

i'm back from AZ and just as i had little friend tagged along. and she really made her presence known monday afternoon - right after we landed in Phoenix. initially, i thought it probably had something to do w/ flying and the dryness of the desert...but i was wrong. again.

i called my dr on tuesday and set up an appt. for this coming monday. i was given instructions for what constitutes "heavy bleeding" and told when to go to the ER. now, what my dr considers heavy bleeding and what i consider heavy bleeding appear to be two very different things...for me, i'm bleeding heavy. i'm having to change my feminine products every three hours....and yes, that means i went thru a box of tampons in about 3 days (i told shoulda bought stock!).

wednesday night we went out to this super swank, hip local spot AZ88 and had drinks and a great dinner! before we left i went to the restroom and noticed i was bleeding a lot. so, i did what i needed to do...and then i noticed a clot the size of a half-dollar!! i finished up and excused myself from the table and called my mom (12am TX time). now, i've since learned that for some people clotting is completely normal...but as y'all know, i'm not normal. i called the captain and asked him to look up the latest flight out thursday night and thought i'd just come home early... but i'd have to wait until thursday morning to do that - and i'd need to get in touch w/ my dr's office and make sure i could get in friday morning (yes, i know this is confusing...just try and follow along). i showered and went to bed...woke up the next morning and was running late...forgot to call dr...everything got messed up and i ended up just staying with my original schedule. fri morning when i woke up, i had another clot. again - if i needed to, i'd have gone to the ER but i think it's just heavy-abnormal-bleeding for me.

the flight back was miserable, as you can imagine. and the first thing i did when i got home was take a shower.

all i can say is that i'm SO over this p-e-r-i-o-d. it's just........gross!

p.s. i'll create a 2nd post about my trip to AZ and include some pics (hopefully).