ah, 2009...

can you be a better friend than 2008? Can we try to do this together, you know, like partners? Can we promise each other, right now, that you'll be a much friendlier, kinder year than your predecessor? Please?

As 2009 is just hours away, I can't help but think of what is to come. The Captain is one surgery down with a couple more to go (we think). We have some legal stuff to take care of next month (fingers crossed). And of course, who could forget that we're entering another year of baby-wanting-but-not-getting.

Speaking of (or typing of...?) TTC, it occurred to me that 2009 will probably not bring a baby. Now, I'm not saying it definitely won't happen. But I am being realistic. (The Captain would love that...me being a realist, instead of the dreamer I usually am.) I just don't see it happening. And not because we don't want it to, obviously. But I just don't think it's in the cards for us in 2009 (those of you who know us IRL kwim).

And you know what? I am strangely, almost frighteningly, at ease with this realization. That doesn't mean our desire isn't there or has just gone away. Or I won't feel as, oh I don't know, pissed at the world about our fertility problems. But perhaps since I recognize that '09 will (more than likely) not bring a mini-captain, the easier it will be for me to deal/cope with our situation? Maybe not? We'll see. Shrug.

Now, all of that being said...AF is late. I think it's just stress, as I'm not in the running. Kind of a cruel, tho not unusual, way to end the year, eh? Bwahahahahaha. Bitch. ;)

And just so y'all know, my only resolutions for 2009 are to smile more and laugh as often as possible and love with all that I have. (pshhhhht....you know you love it when I get all Hallmark-y on you!)

Be safe. Be merry. Be the star of the p-a-r-t-y!

Happy New Year!

change

within the last week or so my life has been filled with change...nothing too major but big enough to have an impact.

1. new boss - my boss, K, resigned and last Thursday was her last day. it was a sad day for me - for everyone involved; she will be missed. i met my new boss this morning - nice man...jury's still out.

2. ww - began weight watchers on Saturday. so far, so good. my next weigh-in is @ 6:30am Saturday morning...yes, i know i'm crazy for going that early but honestly, it's a great group and a great time to get the day started.

3. hair cut - i got my hair cut yesterday. i hate it. it's too short. i.HATE.it. and i thank G-d that my hair grows fast. thank G-d!

4. ttc - i think i've alluded to this but haven't actually spelled it out. the captain and i have had to put ttc on hold until at least January. although there are multiple reasons for this the main one is that i need to have 6 "normal" cycles before my dr feels comfortable with us proceeding using fertility treatments. i really am more "at ease" with this than i thought i was going to be...i guess after 27 months, what's 6 more? sigh.

5. not really a change but an annoyance. as y'all know, i have music playing for you to enjoy as you read along. you've probably noticed it hasn't changed in some time. let me be clear - this is not my choice! i would prefer to change my jams up about once a week...but PLAYLIST has other ideas. i've entered about 1000 different passwords - none seem to work; i've requested they send me a new one - nothing. NOTHING. and i'm getting pissed. so, i'm off to find a new plug and update my tunes.

peace!

patience is a virtue

i met w/ dr.C yesterday to discuss my friend and the problems we're having - she doesn't seem to mind that we're incompatible. had a trans-vaginal ultrasound (if you don't know what that is, keep it that way) - nothing abnormal! ha! cervix is lookin' good, uterus is lookin' fabulous, & the ovaries are stellar! all these rave reviews of my innards had me confused....dr.C said i had "abnormal uterine bleeding" caused by HORMONES! Hmph....really? @@

if y'all haven't figured it out yet, my life seems to be overflowing with ironies. today's irony: dr.C prescribed me Clomid (100mg) to be taken w/ the Met for 6 cycles. this should get my cycles back on track b/c you know, the goal here is to get pregnant (& yes, i need a reminder every now and again, too!) he also wanted to inform me that "just in case we have sex during my fertile phase, there is an 8% chance of twins." ORLY?

y'all should know that i lurve dr.C and his staff; they are AWESOME! and a special shout out to nurse L....she always promptly returns my calls :)

Easter

Happy Easter, dear friends!

This morning I woke up feeling very refreshed (which, to be honest, was in itself kind of odd b/c I went to sunrise Mass @ 6:45am!). But it's true! I felt free...clean...new again. And that is what the Easter season brings - new beginnings and rebirths of all sorts.

"He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds." PSALM 147:3

While I was waiting for mass to begin, I read the weekly bulletin given to parishioners. Father always has a little something to say...and his Easter tribute seemed so fitting. Below is part of it:

"The tradition of the Easter egg comes from the Near East. The ancient Egyptians and the Persians exchanged decorated eggs at the spring equinox, which was the beginning of their new year. These eggs were symbols of fertility, because the coming forth of a live creature from an egg was so surprising to the people of ancient times....Rabbits were part of pre-Christian fertility symbolism because of their reputation to reproduce rapidly."

Hmm....Easter eggs and the Easter Bunny are both symbols of fertility?!?! Who knew? Sorry to cut this short - we're going to dye eggs tonight and even though the Captain doesn't know it yet -he's puttin' on some bunny ears!