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ah, 2009...

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

can you be a better friend than 2008? Can we try to do this together, you know, like partners? Can we promise each other, right now, that you'll be a much friendlier, kinder year than your predecessor? Please?

As 2009 is just hours away, I can't help but think of what is to come. The Captain is one surgery down with a couple more to go (we think). We have some legal stuff to take care of next month (fingers crossed). And of course, who could forget that we're entering another year of baby-wanting-but-not-getting.

Speaking of (or typing of...?) TTC, it occurred to me that 2009 will probably not bring a baby. Now, I'm not saying it definitely won't happen. But I am being realistic. (The Captain would love that...me being a realist, instead of the dreamer I usually am.) I just don't see it happening. And not because we don't want it to, obviously. But I just don't think it's in the cards for us in 2009 (those of you who know us IRL kwim).

And you know what? I am strangely, almost frighteningly, at ease with this realization. That doesn't mean our desire isn't there or has just gone away. Or I won't feel as, oh I don't know, pissed at the world about our fertility problems. But perhaps since I recognize that '09 will (more than likely) not bring a mini-captain, the easier it will be for me to deal/cope with our situation? Maybe not? We'll see. Shrug.

Now, all of that being said...AF is late. I think it's just stress, as I'm not in the running. Kind of a cruel, tho not unusual, way to end the year, eh? Bwahahahahaha. Bitch. ;)

And just so y'all know, my only resolutions for 2009 are to smile more and laugh as often as possible and love with all that I have. (pshhhhht....you know you love it when I get all Hallmark-y on you!)

Be safe. Be merry. Be the star of the p-a-r-t-y!

Happy New Year!

7 comments:

m said...

I like your request to 2009. Not like a plea, more like an agreement, a coming to terms. I like that. Happy 2009, Dana to you and the Captain.

Jen J said...

That's a great resolution! It sounds like one that you'll be able to keep!

I totally KWYM when you say that you're strangely at peace that 2009 probably won't bring a baby. It's a weird feeling to be at peace about that, but a good one too!

Love you!

Lori said...

Have a great New Years! 2009 will definitely be a better year!

rose_red said...

Dana..remember me? From the Election board? I realized I'd never looked at your blog before...in fact until I started updating mine, I hadn't realized that you left a comment on mine ages ago.

It's really nice to "see" you here. I didn't realize how much you and I had in common. We're the same age, and I know what it's like to struggle with fertility. We were married for five years before I got pregnant, and although we were only "trying for three" we never used birth control all that time. I really hope this coming year is a peaceful and happy one for you whatever it brings. Stop by when you have the time.

(I don't know if you still go "over there", but I gave it up because the news aggravates my anxiety. i've felt so much better since I stopped paying so much attention...)

Sarah said...

I agree with Jen about understanding being at peace with 2009 probably not bringing a pregnancy. I know you that you actually said "a baby," but in a different way of course, I'm so there too. Happy New Year to both you and the captain Dana!

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