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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Every night, after I'm finished reading and turn out the lights and right before I'm about to close my eyes and let my mind wander off into far away lands, I pray. Generally, I express my gratitude and then pray for specifics (ehm...my "wants"). And I'll be honest, I am usually drifting off by the time I'm finished. But last night, something different and weird happened.

When I closed my eyes to pray (everyone does this, right?), I saw the words of what I was praying about scrolling on a screen w/ an overlay of what I can only describe as bouncing speakers (think cartoonish). And a song was blaring over my thoughts. I mean BLARING! I could barely hear myself think. Now, I was awake - I was not asleep, this was not a dream - I was awake, lying in my bed, trying to pray. After a few minutes, I sat up and had a conversation with myself - asking it to stop. Begging it to stop. DEMANDING that it stop. It didn't. I gave up and tried to go to sleep but the song was still there - playing over and over and over. I dreamt about the song...and my prayer that never happened...it was a LONG night, as I kept waking up - only to fall back asleep w/ words scrolling and music blasting.

Odd.

And it continues today. The song is stuck in my head. I can't get rid of it. I am not one of those who reads into dreams - they are what they are, plain and simple. At least that's what I thought.

I got online this morning & looked up the lyrics so that I could read them and try to make sense of this confusion, my confusion. It's a popular song and I'm certain you've heard it many times. I read it once. Then again. And again.

And I realized I had been praying all along.



Wake Me Up Inside - Evanescense

How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Lading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb.
*
Without a soul,
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back
Home.
*
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside.
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me)
Call my name
and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone.
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become.
*
Now that I know what I'm without,
You can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real.
Bring me to life.
*
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside.
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone.
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become.
*
Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie.
There's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.
*
Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.
*
(All of this sight,
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me)
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.
(Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here.
There must be something more).
Bring me to life.
*
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside.
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone.
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become.
*
Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie.
There's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.


2 comments:

tam said...

Wow, that song brings me right back to high school. It's totally stuck in my head now.

Oh sweetheart. You will wake up inside. I don't know how or when, but it will happen. Things will get better.

Thank you for your sweet comments. I cannot tell you how much I love getting them.

Jen J said...

I can totally relate to that! Everything from trying to quiet your mind - and get something out of your head while you're trying to pray to wanting to Wake Up Inside.

I'm afraid that I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I'm sure that it helps to know that you're not alone!

{{{HUGS}}}