hello monday...

happy monday! so...nothing too exciting happening with me (for a change). today is International Women's Day, so congratulate the women in your life for what they've accomplished in this world of glass ceilings...social, political and economical. we've got a long way to go but we're getting there (congrats kathryn.bigelow).

went to see Alice.in.Wonderland (in 3D) Friday night and was blown away. not so much by the story or the acting, but the new technology in film is simply amazing and i was stunned and in awe. spent Saturday down in Corpus celebrating my nephew's 3rd birthday. and let me just say this - 4hrs with 12 3yros...actually, i probably don't even have to say anything. you can guess.

am planning on my next trip - or trying to. we'll see. i should know more this week. i owe y'all some stories and i'm working on it. rather than type it out 100x and to 100 different people, i'm in the midst of creating a mass e-mail and will post it once i'm done. as for the pictures, i'll probably provide a link to the album for my family and friends. and i'll let you know when that's available and you can PM me and request the link.

i can't believe it's already march. only 5 more months until my next drs appt...only 5 more months until some decisions will have to be made. 5 months.

**

Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either, but with ropes of steam and spark-spattered wheels and a hoarse roar of power or terror. It's passing, yet I'm the one who's doing all the moving. ~Martin Amis, Money

there's not much to say. i've been really busy with work. going to be traveling (for work) soon and i'm dreading it...timing could not be worse. but i work better under pressure and stress, so it'll all work out.

making plans to go skydiving in april. can't wait. another notch on the list.

got tix to go see this hilarious lady. if you have never seen her show...i have no words. genius.

shopping and packing for the big trip here. 23 days.

and in case you're wondering, yes. i am still mourning the loss of both my teams. there's always next year, boys.

****

wow.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

*i found this here a few days ago (after the author of the blog left a comment) and am still affected by it. i sense i will be for long while, as it makes me think about IF and so, so much more.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -Bill Cosby

Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.

-Chuck.Palahniuk

Into My Own

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,

So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,

Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,

But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day

Into their vastness I should steal away,

Fearless of ever finding open land,

Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,

Or those should not set forth upon my track

To overtake me, who should miss me here

And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew--

Only more sure of all I thought was true.

-Robert Frost

After A While

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up

and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn...

-Veronica A Shoffstall

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

-Albert Schweitzer

I really need to talk with you

I keep stepping on the vein

That keeps my lifeline flowing thru

I wanna be your perfect stick of glue

But I don’t feel perfect at all

Sad and insecure flaw

I find it hard to hold conversation

I get sweaty sick and I wanna walk away

It's not you its strictly me in this situation

I’m wondering will it ever go away…just go away

sometimes I feel like weeping

awake and when I’m sleeping

perfecting how to put a game face on

this puzzle I’ve been keeping

has been in hiding creeping out the closet door

spilling out onto the floor

How long will I be picking up pieces

How long will I be picking up my heart

I’ll be as honest as I feel

I’m getting more paranoid and I’m hearing things

And they never turn out real

It feels like my heart is made of pure steel

It’s just so heavy all the time

Yea I’m scared of death

And I’m scared of living

I gave up on the past cause it’s unforgiving

I misplaced my trust

I watched my word begin to rust

I’m a balloon about to bust

I need a place for reliving

But sometimes I feel like weeping

awake and when I’m sleeping

perfecting how to put a game face on

this puzzle I’ve been keeping

has been in hiding creeping out the closet door

spilling out onto the floor

How long will I be picking up pieces

How long will I be picking up my heart

How long (in another space and time)

Will I be picking up pieces in the corner of my mind

How long (its getting oh so hard to find)

Keep picking up pieces in the corner of my mind

But I still walk on

Blue October, Picking Up Pieces

*i hate blogger and its lack of formatting skills. fuckers.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

I am Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

I swear I knew it all along

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

I am Vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

I swear I knew it all along

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Dashboard Confessional, Vindicated

Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.

-Joss Whedon

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?

-Leo Buscaglia

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

-Jim Morrison

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

-Anais Nin

Every Woman...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

--Pamela Redmond Satran

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

- Henry Ellis

uberexcited. pumped. happy. ecstatic. thrilled. amped. i could go on and on and on....

the countdown has officially begun for ACL 2009. and i am stoked beyond words. bestie and i will be attending the event together...plenty of memories to be had, of this i am certain. my playlist (below) is of a few bands that i'll be seeing fri, sat and sun. enjoy!


Without music life would be a mistake. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Do you ever get worried
And your load is hard to bear
And your life is like a sad sad story
No one nobody really cares

But if you ever need someone to talk to
And if you ever need a helping hand
I'll be your ship out on the ocean
I'll be your water in the desert sand

I've been there I've felt like you do
Feelin' like winter would never turn to spring
And everybody I know has got problems
But there's a solution to everything

And if you ever need someone to talk to
And if you ever need a helping hand
I'll be your ship out on the ocean
I'll be your water in the desert sand

And after you've found your way
You won't owe me nothin'
'Cause you're gonna know that your well
Will never run dry, never run dry

If you ever need someone to talk to
And if you ever need a helping hand
I'll be your ship out, your ship out on the ocean
I'll be your water in the desert sand
I'll be your water
And I will give you shelter
I'll be your water
I will be there for you
I'll be your ship out on the ocean
I'll be your water in the desert sand

Keb' Mo', I'll Be Your Water

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet.

-Albert Schweitzer

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.

Norman B. Rice