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Friday, September 19, 2008

i got an e-mail today from a guy i went to high school with titled "it's another girl!". yes "another". i have to admit, while i'm excited for him and his wife, there is a tiny piece of my heart that is devastated.

who am i kidding? there's a huge part of me that is devastated.

and in the next 3 months, we will be receiving more birth announcements than i have space on my fridge. we are officially the only childless couple in our circle of married friends. it sucks. and even though b/c of my cycle issues and the other situation that i cannot blog about are keeping us from actively TTC until early '09, it still sucks.

for the most part, i really strive to be upbeat about all this IF crap. i mean, i really make a concerted effort to not wallow in my sorrows. where does wallowing ever get you anyway? but yesterday was one of those days. you know them...the days when it takes every ounce of energy you have to get out of bed and face the world and all the bullshit that is thrown at you. when it takes everything you've got to sift through the minutia of everyday life. when you realize that you're a failure at the one thing that seems so basic...the one thing that should be an automatic in life. that was my day yesterday. and i know there will be more of them but i pray i don't have another one of those days for a while. i know He has a plan.

i must say, i am grateful on most days that we aren't actively TTC b/c of the situation that i cannot blog about (and really, THAT sucks) b/c it is so stressful and i cannot imagine trying to do both right now, it's still a hard pill to swallow. (i hope that made sense.)

to all my friends who have children and/or are about to expand their family, we are absolutely thrilled for you! and congratulate you on your blessings.

to all my IF friends (and one that is not IF, you know who you are), thank you for helping me get through days like yesterday; without you i honestly do not know what shape i'd be in.



Jen J said...

Oh Honey!

{{{HUGS}}} I know how you feel. I have THOSE days myself and so I know that there is nothing that I can say to help - other than to let you know that I know.

Continuing to hold you in prayer.

Anonymous said...

Oh Dana - I'd say you're one of the most upbeat folks I know and then looking at all the stuff being tossed in your directions, it's a forgone're upbeat. LOL!!!! Hang in there cooler weather is soon to come and that's always a nice change for lots of things. Yep cooler weather makes them tadpoles swim, swim and swim even more. (snicker)

*jess* said...

first of all, {{{HUGS}}} to you! second of all, i won't say i know how you feel, but my friend has been ttc since 06 too, and still no luck. so, you are not alone.

~~~~~ The House of Big Cheese~~~~ said...

It just plan sucks :(