No man understands a deep book until he has seen and lived at least part of its contents.

Ezra Pound

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Robert McCloskey

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day, saying I will try again tomorrow.

Mary Anne Radmacher

shared thoughts on the above from a dear friend: You try your hardest, you give it your all—and sometimes it won’t be enough and you’ll fail, but you’ll know that you tried, and you’ll be ready to try again. Being brave isn’t about not being afraid—it’s about facing your fears, embracing them and growing out of them.

So true.

Perhaps when you’re alone, at night, in your place
You will hear that someone calls you without you knowing who they are
And so you will learn, that there are things like the wind
That really exist, but you can’t see

And it is also possible that one haste filled afternoon
Like a flower blooms, you’ll feel an urge
And so you will learn that there are things like the river
That are always leaving, but they never leave

Or crossing the street, your laughing heart
Will remember a heartache you didn’t have yesterday
And so you will learn that there are things like dreams
Things that have never been, but that could

Even if you prefer to ignore these things
You will know why you sigh while listening to a song
And so you will learn that there are things like roses
Things that are beautiful, without knowing that they are

And during any afternoon, you’ll feel as though you have left
And an ashy breeze will be spread in your garden
And so you will learn that time and forgetting
Are the things that never end.

José Angel Buesa, Poema de las Cosas

I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on
That's when I know that you're alone
It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without sound

Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone
Hand over your heart, let's go home
Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs
I've always been known to cross lines

I never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old

Here's to you, here's to me
On to us, nobody knows
Nobody sees, nobody but me

Kings of Leon, Cold Desert

all of the sudden, out of no where it hit me like a ton of bricks today.  i haven't thought about infertility too deeply in several months.  

but i was sitting here watching a TOILET PAPER commercial of all things, and a little boy running thru the hall. and BAM. there it is....flood gates opened.  tbh, i'm seriously annoyed more than anything else.  i know that until we either do get pregnant and have a baby or until we decide what our familial future holds, i'll never be 'over' infertility...or at least have 'moved on'.  but shit. i was not expecting to just have a fucking breakdown unexpectedly.  and only one word comes to mind right now.  

FAILURE.

Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death.

R.D. Laing

well, i started going to the gym. even got myself a trainer. i had my first official workout session with him yesterday. i woke up today feeling hungover. every fucking muscle hurts. ALL OF THEM. what the hell am i thinking? sigh.

i have another session tomorrow and i am already wondering WTF he could have in store b/c i dunno that my jello legs will be able to fully support me. i mean, i have issues with clumbsiness to being with...but this has got me all outta balance. 

i have to go buy some of these tomorrow. and all i'mma say about them is that they cause me a great deal of pain.  but the trainer says they're necessary. and since he's in the know, i shall follow his orders. 

have some new music recs for you lovelies.  am thoroughly enjoying these artists....and a shout out to Lucy for passing them along!  i've added a song from each to my playlist below. also, be warned...i have put a few of my fav MJ songs on this week's playlist as well. 

Xavier Rudd

Joe Purdy

AA Bondy

the house is coming along. we're supposed to close on july 30. things have been going pretty smoothly w/ everything. i've been expecting the ball to drop at some point, but so far - we've been good to go. 

hope you're all doing well and enjoy this holiday weekend.  Happy 4th of July & God Bless America! 

cheerio!

 

thoughts on waiting

i beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved
in your heart and try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms or books written
in a very foreign language. don’t search for
the answers, which could not be given to you
now, because you would not be able
to live them. And the point is, to live
everything. live the questions now.
perhaps then, some day far in the
future, you will gradually,
without even noticing it, live
your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903; in Letters to a Young Poet

*provided by miss kc...i love and miss you. now go update your damn blog and let the world know who you are! ;)*