outtakes

I don't really have anything of significance to blog about (for a change), so I figured I'd share a few random outtakes from conversations btwn the Captain and myself this week...


***the Captian on becoming impatient with another person: "Hurry the hell up before I go Nancy.Kerrigan on your ass!"

seriously, who just pulls out a 'nancy.kerrigan' card? the captain, apparently.

***Back and forth that took place in the McDonald's drive-thru:

me: .....and I'd like to get a cheeseburger happy meal

McDs chick: would you like a girl or boy toy?

me: doesn't matter

the Captain (yelling across the car): we'd like a METROSEXUAL, please!

O.M.G. I nearly died from both embarrassment and laughter.

***I was IMing with a friend of mine the other night. And I was trying to remember the name of a certain old t.v. show. So, knowing he'd know the answer...this is how the convo went -

me: hey babe, 'member that old hillbilly show back in like the 70's. it was like a variety hour with rednecks and they used to square dance or something...i just remember them wearing a lot of gingham...remember? what was that called?

tc: oh yea, you mean HeeHaw.

me: yea, HeeHaw. Thanks!

(crickets chirping)

tc: wait. hold up. did you just call HeeHaw "hillbilly" and "redneck"?

me: uh, yea. duh!

tc: HeeHaw was NOT hillbilly! (proceeds to school me from the other room on how HeeHaw was anything BUT hillbilly for the next 10 minutes).

me: LMAO so hard, I literally fell out of the chair...

and I got the stink-eye for the next hour.

***
not sure if these were as funny to you as they were me. perhaps they were more "you had to have been there" funnies. but it's all i've got and i'm still LOLing about them :)

peace

Tag - Stuff You Didn't Know

Stuff you didn't know about me and now you do.

1. Do you like blue cheese dressing? Only if it's the only thing available and even then I'll just pretend it's Ranch. Mind over Matter, people.
2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Yes.
3. Do you own a gun? I'm a Texan. 'nuff said.
4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shops? Shaken Iced Green Tea Lemonade, sweetened.
5. What do you think of hot dogs? I just threw up a little in my mouth....that's what I think.
6. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night
7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee
8. Can you do push-ups? Sure; I can do anything! At least that's what they told me growing up.
9. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? That big, shiny thing on my left finger.
10. Favorite hobbies? sewing, reading, sleeping what?
11. Do you have ADD? I wish...then maybe I could get the good stuff.
12. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? my predisposition to early graying. thanks, ma!
13. Middle name? Marie. what? you, too?
14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 1. it's only 8:40am and I'm on my 4th cup of coffee 2. i have 8 more hrs until the day is done 3. how the fuck am i going to make it another 8 hrs?
15. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? coffee, dt dr pepper, water
16. Current worry right now? too many to list
17. Current dislike(s)right now? way too many to list!
18. Favorite place to be? "Dana's World"....lalalalalalala
19. How did you ring in the New Year? at home with the Captain...and a bottle of wine. or two.
20. Like to travel? like? that's an understatement!
21. Name 3 people that will complete this? uh, prolly no one b/c i'm not forwarding it.
22. Do you own slippers? yep. they're pink and were a gift from my neighbor, A.
23. What color shirt are you wearing? heather grey
24. Could you make it 39 days on Survivor? absolutely. no doubt. they have showers, right?
25. What song do you sing in the shower? New York, New York
26. Favorite girls names? it's a secret
27. Favorite boys names? uh, still a secret...
28. What's in your pocket right now? pocket-less
29. Last thing that made you laugh? discussing my fondness of pineapples
30. Worst injury you've ever had? ah, hell. this is a loaded question. and in order to maintain a shred of dignity...PASS.
31. Do you love where you live? yes! austin is the shizzle!
32. How many t.v's do you have in your house? one
33. Who's your loudest friend? neighbor, A. **smooches**
34. Does someone have a crush on you? hopefully the Captain still does....
35. What's your favorite candy? Oh! Henry bars
36. Favorite sports team? Cubs
37. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? dreaming about...nuh uh, that's private.
39. What's your favorite holiday? my birthday
40. What are your plans for tomorrow? i dunno....that's how i roll - planless on fridays!

a few items from my vision board

peace.

Fish for Lent (wordy wednesday)

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to become a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

all aboard? eh, not so much.

Ok, I need to confess something. I'm a reader. I LOVE to read. And I'm not one those people who doesn't finish books or just leaves them around to linger until I feel ready to pick it back up again. Once I start, I'll finish. I take that back a little bit - I'll give you 3 chapters, if after the 3rd chpt I'm still not into it, I don't waste my time.

Back in October, I started reading this book. I was SO excited. I had read so much about it, saw the author on O.prah and my friends raved over the book and what it did for them. Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get on the EPL train. I was waiting for a big boom...a revelation...something, anything.

And I'm thinking that my expectations and hopes were a little too high. Because I feel so disappointed and let down.

I haven't finished it yet; I'm about 3/4 of the way through. And I feel like I'm forcing myself to finish it. Like, maybe the epiphany happens once the book is completely read? Or maybe I'm just not down enough in the wallows of misery to fully appreciate the message? I'm kinda feeling like a dumbass about this....I mean, wth am I missing? I'm not going to not finish it; I will finish reading it this weekend - albeit forcibly but I'm tired of staring at it on my nightstand in wonderment and confusion, all the same.

And so that's my confession. Nothing earth-shattering or ball breaking. Just a little ramble and an admittance that I think I missed the train with this one.

friday funnies

My best friend sent me this, thinking of yours truly. I've still not decided whether to be flattered or embarrassed....either way, I don't give a flying fruit-cake. This is hilarious, unfortunately true and classically (about) me.

wordy wednesday

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland