insurance debacle...cont'd

after i figured out that my insurance company doesn't cover much in the realm of infertility, i started doing some more digging around.

what i found only made me even more angry. (as if that were even a possibility)

apparently, texas has a law on the books that mandates insurance companies make available the OPTION for an employer to choose coverage for infertility. so, that means my anger has been misguided, kinda. and now it's directed towards my employer. and for those of you who know who that is...yes, i had a good laugh, too. assholes.

i should point out that we're not even to the point of either IUI or IVF, yet. i mean, once we get the green light (remember, we're on a sabbatical until jan '09), we've decided to do at least 3 months of monitoring and drug therapy. after that, we've discussed IUI w/ injectables. but that's as far as our discussions have gone. or perhaps that's as far as we're allowing our minds to wander. either way, it's still as upsetting knowing that none of this will be covered by anything other than our bank account...dwindle, dwindle.....

***

AF started this week....told ya i wasn't pregnant. i wonder if i'll ever get back to the point of being so excited, i can't hardly wait to POAS? doubtful.

***

completely off-topic but am i the only one who experiences punctuation issues (specifically spacing) with blogger? it's driving me insane!

no tongs?

well, yesterday was my appointment. after being felt-up and fondled....er....examined for my annual, all is well. dr c is pleased with my last 2 cycles (55days & then 27 days) and would like me to stay on the clomid (in addition to the met). he likes that i'm charting and doing the opk's - we agreed this will be helpful in january if we run into any problems (haha). i should get the blood work results back tomorrow & my curiosity is peaking.

totally random thought from my appt: i placed my feet in the stirrups and braced my self for the invasion of the only-a-man-could've-designed-this-torture-device tongs. but much to my surprise (and delight), no tongs! i don't know why or if they're just not used anymore (OR my hoo-ha has been handled so much w/i the last year, there's no reason to pry her open?) but they weren't used...i even asked just in case i somehow missed it. interesting, i know.

it finally looks like we may actually have a cleared path for pregnancy without all the speed- bumps come 2009.

no worries, i'm not that hopeful.

everybody wants to know

several of our friends are either expecting or have just recently had a baby. i am overjoyed for them, I truly am. but i cannot deny that at the same time i am wishing "congratulations" or adoring their babies, a little part of me is angry.

you'd think i'd be used to it by now. you'd think i'd have come to terms with infertility. you'd think i'd have "moved on". and you'd be wrong.

we were honoring memorial day with friends and we were repeatedly asked "now, when are the two of you going to have some babies?" and while i felt the urge to respond with "oh, i don't know - maybe as soon as my reproductive system decides to get off it's ass and cooperate, we'll be able to put in our order", i simply said "we're trying!" (with my head cocked off to the side and a smirk on my face). apparently, that answer didn't seem to make the rounds. i walked out onto the back patio and was bombarded with "dana, [the captain] said y'all are going through a bunch of tests to find out why you can't get pregnant." WHAT? THE CAPTAIN SAID WHAT? the captain had broken our agreement and decided to just let every tom, dick and harry know that we were failures when it came to reproducing.

realizing i was not going to be able to get out of this one and to be honest, accepting that i was tired of the "song and dance" that comes along with trying to hide something from someone, i took the plunge. i just let it all out...i told them about our panel of tests, the fertility treatments (& the weight gain and mood swings), the poking and prodding, and of course reassured everyone that the problem was me....the captain's little soldiers are standing at attention and are plentiful in numbers, no draft necessary.

and the response was,well...expected. "you should adopt and then maybe you'll get pregnant." really? is that how it works? that's all i have to do? seriously?!?! i politely explained that we're just not there, yet. we're not ready to throw in the towel. it's not that the captain and i are against adoption, we'd like to adopt someday. but that someday is not today.

we'll get our baby. eventually. one way or another. and for right now, it feels kind of good not to be in hiding anymore.

and maybe people will stop asking and just wait for an announcement in the mail.